ever have the moments that you literally thing your heart has broken?? i had one of those last night and it was a powerful moment with me and my faith. do i really believe God? do i really believe that He won't give me anything i can't handle? do i really believe He has the best in mind for me? do i really believe and hope that He wants me to be happy? do i really trust where He leads me? am i really willing to love when i am empty??
thankfully, the answer to all these questions really is yes. beautifully and wisely He allows the pains and anguish of life to mold and shape and deepen us. who knew? sometimes i just do what i do and forget the power and reality of His love and His Atonement to heal and comfort me. thankfully the comfort is never what i want. in fact, thankfully life is never what i want. but He wants more than i want. so i'll cripple through the heart-handicapping moments until i get to be the person that will be worthy of being Home with Him, forever.
happy moments today - i get to teach institute again!!!! i finished my sweatshirt that i have been embroidering on. i want to do another mini triathlon. my family is amazing. and hard moments allow you to eat whatever you want!!!! :)
that's what i am doing right this second. working on a project. :)
a few years ago i went through a hooded sweatshirt stage. i think i bought one of every color possible. my family really enjoyed the moments that i put my hood up and wanted to just disappear for a while. ;-)
i have a pink hoody that i spilled some clorox on. as i was cleaning things out a few months ago, i realized i could stitch fun designs over the clorox spots. my sister becca first inspired us to the idea of stitching on clothing when she went on a Church history tour a few years ago. for 3 weeks, she was on a bus with about 200 recent high school graduates. to pass the time, she stitched on a t-shirt. when she got home a days later, we were THRILLED that she had done such beautiful work!! i have been envious of her peronalized t-shirt for years - and then she MADE ONE FOR ME!!!
when melissa was here a few weeks ago, we were wowed and blown away that she can just start drawing lines and it be something beautiful. OR start just cutting out felt and it be incredible leaves or flowers. soo not fair. how i didn't end up in the line in heaven that she did?? just to prove my point, let's check out some of her work at melimba.com
so although i don't have the talent miss has oozing out of her finger tips, i am sitting here - stitching and pretending to make something cute out of the cloroxed pink sweatshirt. wish me luck!!!
p.s. can we talk about the applebee's maple butter blondie?? friday night, even though i was filled to the brim with yummy olive garden minestrone soup and breadsticks, i could fully enjoy the yummiest packed into the little piece of heaven . . .
oh, i was talking with a friend the other day about motherhood. she asked me to write down some of my thoughts.
• Our attitudes towards motherhood: o Dealing with the mudane = find the moments children can share with you. So many conversations happen while doing the drudgery moments. o I loved being an EFY counselor. I was able to teach doctrine, and yet show the youth that being righteous can be fun and joyfull!! But I wanted to teach more than the youth and I wanted to find others that needed what the Gospel could bring. When I served a mission in Russia, I wanted to have a dance with our youth. I wanted them to have a mini-efy experience. I realized I could create mini-efy moments as a public school teacher. But as I taught, I realized that my students could have great non-denominational efy moments, but if they didn’t have a home in which they could practice the things I, as their teacher, were teaching, they couldn’t truly become more. Thus, I realized, a mother is the dream job! Only through motherhood do I get to teach the Gospel – fully – the fun, the doctrine, the peace and give my family a refuge in which they can practice and create righteous habits.
• That when we are happy and know that our callings our sacred, our actions change toward our children: o Many of my low-income students had to be in charge of their meals, their bed times, their homework, etc. their parents didn’t or couldn’t care. They weren’t able to experience safety. They didn’t live with security. There was always a worry in the back – or front - of their minds that mom might not come home. o Children that have the security and safety of a mom who wants to be with them, a mom who holds firm to standards, a mom who teaches and creates good habits in her children, a mom who creates order (not perfect order – gag!) allows her children opportunities to become. o When children’s thoughts are full of worries – what to eat, where to sleep – how can they learn to enjoy? o Our children may very well be the men and women who usher in the Savior’s return. Will they be ready? Will they be strong and confident men and women? o Are we teaching our children the way and the things we would have our grandchildren know??
• Talk about focusing on the most important things: o What are the important things? o Abraham sought for greater happiness, greater knowledge, greater peace. Joseph Smith told Emma to write out the blessing she would want Joseph to give her, and he would sign it. What type of deep pondering did Abraham and Emma have in order to find what they TRULY wanted? What do we truly want? What are the things are so important to us that they fill the details of our days??
• Gratitude affects our happiness as wives and mothers: o Wow that the Lord trusts us with His chosen spirits! Spirits He needs loved, trained, encouraged. What an honor. What a great, great honor.
so, my friend, dave nasal, told me about this book. he said be was interested in my thoughts about it. funnest past is that the author was a member of my stake presidency in salt lake. president featherstone has been more than generous with his comments about my teaching. his wife is incredible. their family is spectacular. needless to say, i was thrilled to read. little did i know, however, that this would truly be one of the most incredible books i have ever read. there were moments i couldn't stop crying - yes, i am really good at crying. but the characters were real. the experience i had with handel and because of handel was life-changing. if you want to be uplifted in powerful ways, read this book. i'd let you borrow my copy, but i have markings and notes and underlinings ALL over the place. sorry.
last week, i went with a friend to Body World. i was worried i was going to freak out. but maybe it was because my friend i and were talking so much or because it was fun to be with this friend, but only wigged out when i saw the animals. they were just so sudden and i wasn't prepared for them. it was incredible.
this isn't a bun on her head, it's her brain!! but i couldn't figure out how they got it out in once piece . . .
last week, i also got my Columbia application in. both Stanford and Columbia don't notify applicants until march. i'm also looking into applying to Boston College and Ohio State University. love that i have told people, because if i don't get in, that will be really fun. :) but, there will obviously be a reason and more options.
in efforts to help my application process, my dad surprised me with an INCREDIBLE new surprise! it has been fun exploring all the tools and options on the macbook pro. and even more exciting to know that i have sooo much to learn about it!! anyone want to take a community ed class with me to know more?? :)
tomorrow, i'll find the pictures we took in our matching Christmas pj's. they are MORE than fun!!