Sunday, June 10, 2012

healthy payback = blessings

some of you know that i have been working on improving my habits and have created a "healthy payback" sheet. i have realized that all those chore charts that my mom made when we were little were incredibly effective - at least for me. she would pay us 5-10 cents for each habit or expectation we accomplished each day: making out bed, brushing our teeth, practicing piano, etc.

it has been an incredible experience working to have improve my habits. i know it is largely in part to being in my own home/apartment. i have realized that as a family of one, i need to have the habits i want to have in my family. instead of waiting for a husband and children to develop patterns, etc. i need to have these now. 

so i started with a list of things i wanted to improve: brush and floss my teeth at night, take lunch to work, no food after 9 PM, swim/run/walk, sweep the floors, make dinners, etc. i added morning scripture study to the this. this was a vital one for me. 

as much as i love studying the scriptures, i haven't been disciplined enough to study them for myself. i have loved having to study for lessons and talks, etc. but i decided it was time to study for myself. truly study. i used to feel like such a failure to not read 30 minutes. some talk i had read said to read 30 minutes.  i used to think i needed to study that long or it wasn't worth it. 

haha. i am definitely over that. a few therapists and years later, i realize that whatever time i put in to spend time with the Lord is always worth it. i get the most when i am reading and writing notes in my journal/notebook. but sometimes that doesn't happen, and that's okay. 

i have come to savor and truly love my mornings of study. i sit on my little ottoman against the wall (with velcro curlers in my hair letting them sit for a bit). it has become my sacred place. as much as i love people coming to visit, it disrupts my morning routine and i don't get to sit in my living room and commune. 

can i share a few thoughts i have been having? and let me just say, it has been a sweet and tender and sacred experience these last 5 months since i started my "healthy pay back." there have been mornings that i have been left in tears. there are mornings that i am off into wikipedia learning more about olives, or lineage, or definitions of words. i feel like i have always had gospel thoughts i am thinking about - from past jobs or callings, i was always i had thoughts i needed/wanted to be mulling over. but right now, there aren't. i am not required to be thinking of certain things. and i am thinking things simply for me. although i have been preparing for lessons at efy in a few weeks, they have been personal thoughts for my life that i then realized i should use and prepare for efy. 

i truly is a sacred time to spend with the Lord and Heaven. 

okay. thoughts i have been having. i have just finished studying Jacob 5 about the olive tree. i also just finished the book of Jacob. i am so slow sometimes - i didn't realize that Enos was Jacob's son. duh. but when Enos is wrestling, i read it differently this time in realizing that he was Jacob's son. i wondered what their FHE's were like. i wondered truly what Enos was wrestling as he says that the words of his father had sunk deep in his soul. he must have been listening. i had always thought he may not have been the best kid, but this time, i realized that there have been a number of wrestles i have had as i realize that i want to be more in an area. i realize just how far i am from where i want to be. 

i have thought bout in Jacob 7 how Sherem has been preaching against Christ. he confesses and then is struck dumb and then dies. in verse 22 Jacob says he is pleased, "for i had requested it of my Father who was in heaven; for he had heard my cry and answered my prayer." i assume that Jacob didn't pray for Sherem to die. but perhaps he knew that was the only the false teaching would end. it made me stop and think about what i am praying about. not that i want anyone to die :) but am i striving to know the mind and will of Christ in and for my life? am i taking prayer as serious as it could be in my life?

so many thoughts. so many sweet personal insights. it's good to remember who i am and where i am going. 

love, em

1 comment:

becca said...

Great thoughts. Structure is amazing. Way to go.