Tuesday, January 15, 2013


i just got back from another wonderful weekend in the big apple. i rode the train down. talk about heavenly. no security. no getting there sooo early. 15 minutes before and you are good to go. there are outlets at each seat. foot rests. and smooth. no traffic.

on the way down, i worked on some of the presents i was making for baby grace millie doxford:

onesie . . . 

watching the amazing spiderman while stitching

i wish i had made the blanket, but alas, target did. 

yes, my nails are done - we did manicures and pedicures. then with dox we grabbed cupcakes and ice cream and then off to get their crib, stroller, etc. below is just a bit of the truly beautiful things em and dox received. they are so beloved. 

i wish there were words to describe how i love and adore and truly cherish the moments i get to be with em and dox. i am amazed at the depth and power i feel just being with them. my walls go down and i am all of myself. and am safe to share the corners of my heart. 

ps just playing with photobooth while i tried to do ichat with the fam . . . liking the black and white ... thanks for letting me share. :)

Sunday, January 6, 2013

favorite things

i was able to match up with my favorite Preece family while we were in st. george over Christmas break. mike was the 1st counselor in the older singles ward when i moved here. somehow, they became my boston family. they were my safe place and where i felt like i was enough. 

and then they moved. to denver. now i have a love/hate relationship with that city.

but we got together to go hiking along some of the trails near snow canyon. jennie was asking how i was doing and what i was doing for fun. like the question, "what are your hobbies?" my mind goes blank. i have no idea what i do for fun. i don't know that i do things as a hobby or fun. so i get a little stressed that i never have a good answer. OR maybe the truth of it is that i don't have what i think are "cool" answers. 

because yesterday, i realized again, just how much i LOVE creating a colorful home. i am working on red and turquoise quilts for january and february decorations. (this is a sneak peak of one).

i truly love creating order and a hom-i-ness in my home. in fact, i often realize that i am smiling all alone as i work. it makes me so happy. here are a few areas i worked on yesterday:

front entry table 

 picture wall in my room
 bookshelf in living room
 sewing table in bedroom. not sure the safety pin will stay like that. it might get hung on the wall . . .
 new pillows for living room. not sure i am in love with them. i think the front need something. 
but i don't want them to be too crazy.

another thing i love doing is studying and preparing for lessons and talks. i had a good reminder this week of why you need to choose friends wisely. a few dear friends have been in charge of choosing speakers and topics for BYU Women's Conference. although i love preparing talks, i get extremely extremely nervous. and stress out. this year i have a dear dear friend on the committee and figured out a way to have me speak - again!! so may 2nd and 3rd i'll be at BYU stressing and maybe passing out while giving a talk. until then i will be stressing lots, but anxiously preparing as well. if you have any thoughts, just holler!!

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

my journal

My thoughts about journaling:

When I found a little notebook from the grandma I never knew that had a grocery list, random list, and the a thought about the Savior, I realized that I knew more about her personally than all the stories my mom had told me. I also realized that I didn't need to write out the events or stories of my life.

Separately, I remembering having a thought in Sunday school. I remember thinking how I wished I had something to write my thought in. It just a piece of paper, but somewhere to record thoughts I received from the Lord.

So with these two thoughts, I started taking a journal with me to church, and used it for scripture study as well. Two journals would be too overwhelming for me, so all my life and thoughts go into one!!

I use a journal with no lines, because I like to write certain words in different Sizemore fonts, etc, to highlight things that stick out to me. I love the freedom of the direction I write and the sizes. I like that I don't confine my thoughts in any way. In some subconscious way, I think it doesn't limit me from only accepting certain thoughts from The Lord.

I choose colored pens based on my mood. :)
I just write. I link thoughts. I draw a lot of connecting lines. I don't stress about things fitting on a line. I just write. :)

I'll send pictures.

Mainly, especially because I am alone most of my life, it is a place where I am honest with my thoughts and fears in my journal. Often times, I write soppy at those times!! It is also the place I prove to the Lord I am trying and willing to capture and hold onto the thoughts and insights I receive.

I love my journals. I rarely review them. But when I do, I love to think about the journey I have been on and where I will be next.

sweet moments

i am sorry to be doing a few posts at once. becca loves when i do this. :) but i am waiting to pick friends up at the airport, so i might as well be productive and not watch a show!

a dear friend in my home ward was teaching a class about journaling. she has often asked me to write my thoughts about how and why i journal. so i did. :) i took pictures of some pages. i'll find what i wrote and make it a post. 

one night i found myself in belmont with about an hour to kill. i hadn't eaten dinner so went to il casal - a restaurant i have hear incredible things about. it was lovely. the service was superb. i was on a date with myself and an book. the waiters were so attentive. and it was divine! (this is mini brussel sprouts and spaghetti)

grabbed ginger molasses ice cream at rancatore's after dinner :)

i am in love with Robin's Egg, a beautiful and fairly expensive antique store i stumbled upon two years ago. it is an hour away and they have the most beautiful things! yes, i bought this for my sewing supplies. :)

bri and i went on a sudden trip up the first weekend of december. yes, i went in my sweats. it was a perfect day!

adventures in cooking. i tried to make a caramel banana cake. it was good - but tasted like banana bread. for the amount of work, it should have tasted like HEAVEN. maybe i'll try again. 

my crazy primary class. christmas party at my place. it was fabulously fun. i will miss them this next year!

the girls at work and i make treats for different departments at work. we made over 30 plates of cookies and i made 4 pans of shortbread = 200 pieces. talk about a mess and yummy!! best recipe! (in fact, i made a pinterest board of the things i have made with notes about the item. 

clay's missionary book comes out today! it's available online at deseret book and amazon. there is an incredible website: everydaymissionaries.org  i visited with sister julie beck this past sunday who said it was the most approachable way to think of missionary work that she has seen since her father's thoughts. she didn't want to read a book that told her what more she needed to be doing, this book didn't do that, it just taught with the spirit. 

who knew?

heavenly day. i love when i realize just how many things i don't know! 

i just started really checking out this blog format (that is what, over a year old??). and realized that i missed a number of comments from people. how does that happen?? blast. so sorry if you wrote and i didn't realize it. 

this holiday season, i have thought a lot about how i have been spending my time the past few months. i started my healthy payback idea last january. i had some goals. but didn't reach them. i have realized just how much i could have done in 365 days. for the first time in my life, i have been sad about what i didn't do this past year. i don't know that i regret things. but i definitely am aware of the treats i ate that i don't need to eat again. or the tv shows i watched that i probably didn't need to have in my life. 

so while i don't love the cliche idea of setting resolutions, i have things i would like to spend my time doing instead of letting my laziness take over. i am learning to accept the fact that i am lazy. period. i don't like working out. i don't like cleaning. i really like laying in my bed. i like staying up zoning out watching dumb shows. and yet, i also love a home that is cute and orderly. i do love eating well. i like knowing that my body really can move and that i have muscles. i like having hot water in the bathroom (which only happens if i am up before 5:30 am. boo. the massive con about my apartment)

(oh speaking of, did you want to see it decorated for Christmas??)

 this garland has christmas cards hanging from it

back to topic, i am wanting to do things differently this year. i want to use my blog as a "travel log" about my adventures (because i have lots of them and love them), and also want to record my thoughts about my beliefs and the joyful aspects of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, along with recording stories of life that i just want to publish in a sort of way. 

one thought i was thinking about tonight was the beautiful aspects of being an assistant:
i had a one-on-one with an HR supervisor before the holidays. i made a comment about how well prepared someone was for a new position he was in because he was a great assistant in our group prior to his new position. 

i thought about this tonight as i tried to distract myself from freezing as i walked to my car. 6 months ago i was pretty burned out with work. i felt like all i was doing was answering emails. hundreds of them. i didn't feel like i was contributing to anything or betting lives in any way. after a good and loving "smacking" from my mama who reminded me of the incredible experiences i am having, i snapped out of it. now, all i see are the incredible opportunities and preparation for future roles and positions. 

i have learned to make friends with others through words. and only words. they don't know the sound of my voice. they don't know my sense of style. they don't know much of anything other than what i write. and not only what i write, but the tone i write with. it is so fun to actually meet someone i have become friends with via email. it blows my mind that i can feel like there is a dear friend out there that i have never met or that i could pass by and have no idea it was them. there is power in words. there is power in tone. 

i have learned to be aware of timing. how long does it really take to accomplish a task. when clay's life is smooth based on my calendaring, timing is huge. if don't estimate timing appropriately, many lives are affected as people have to wait for him to try to accomplish things in the time frame i have set. 

i have learned how to prioritize. some items and tragically some people, have to be at the bottom of the list. others have to be at the top. and learning to prioritize my life according to clay's current priorities. that is tricky: to know what is important to him. thankfully i ask a lot of questions that he is okay with. and thankfully he is patient in my learning. 

i have been learning when i need to be an important part of the equation and communications and when i am on a power trip. do i want to be involved just to be involved, or it is necessary for the running of our world that i know the details? along with this, i have learned that i don't need to question the vitality of my position. it isn't up for discussion IF i personally recognize it. i have realized that often times in trying to softly find my place in life, i may underestimate my role and the importance of who and what i bring. so i have been frustrated as others don't give me the respect that i feel that clay gives me. BUT, when i realize how vital i am, then there is no question and no frustrating territories. i do get to call the shots on pretty much all aspects of life. which i need to be aware of and use this position carefully. for this reason alone, i have to be the person that clay trusts. 

lots of thoughts. sorry. the main realization with these thoughts is that these are VITAL lessons that can help me lead a corporation if that is what i want to do. these are  - beautifully - the same lessons and traits i need to be a conscience and powerful wife and mother. as i think about the future roles i am have (plan A, B, C, H, J, X, etc.) all of these lessons will make me better at anything i choose to do. 

okay, done for now. :)