Wednesday, February 13, 2013

magic penny

i have been pretty excited to meet with a therapist last night. i have things pretty mentally organized in my head about where i need some help processing through things. but yesterday afternoon, i received a call that my friend was going into labor and i had volunteered to be the evening sitter when that happened!! so therapist was canceled and i hung out with the sweetest kids - second to my nieces and nephews. they went straight to bed when i put them down. we did sing some hymns they chose from the hymnbook and read a story each and said a prayer together. but when i closed the door, they were silent!

these were the books they chose to read from the bag i brought. these are FAVORITES of mine! 

"Loretta Ace Pinky Scout" is one a dear friend gave me years ago. it's about realizing that no one is perfect and that no one should be perfect. it's marvelous!

my mom gave us each a copy of "We Were Tired of Living in A House" for Christmas. they are out of print, so she search high and low and then made fabric covers for them with a note about how much we loved this book growing up and how much it means to her and dad that we are living in different locations, but still love to come home. 

i had called my mom on my way home from work and told her i was going to babysit instead of go to the therapist. and then shared with her the sweetness of the day:

  • i had received 2 facebooks messages from former students who missed me and and one asked for my help because i had influenced their life in powerful ways. 
  • then a former missionary companion who means the world to me happened to call. i called her back  (which was a conscious decision, because of the anxiety/nervousness i have with any phone calls any more!!) and even though it was the middle of kids needing her, we chatted for a good 20 minutes. 
  • then i met by phone, a couple with whom i had a sweet and tender conversation. the kind of people that you know will be in your life for a reason. 
  • i received my information packet for BYU Women's Conference and a note from the man i will be speaking with that was real and honest. 
i cried to my mom at the reality of the incredible people i have in my life. in the fears and inadequacy of feeling like a failure of a friend to so many people, it was a humbling experience to have deep and tender reminders that i am going something right. 

i am remembering the song i learned in kindergarten (blessed teacher that i had), "Love is like a magic penny, hold it tight and you won't have any. Lend it, spend it, you'll have so many, they'll roll all over the floor. So. Love is like a magic penny, hold it tight and you won't have any . . . " 

fear of relationships hasn't always been a problem. it is just something recently that i have struggled with. recently being in the past 5 years ish. some painful situations with treasured friends threw my confidence and i am realizing and accepting the impact those experiences have had. and i am realizing that i have healed as much as i can on my own and i need so help to close the wounds. 

but yesterday was a sharp wake up call from the Lord that i do know how to love and let people in. i just need to learn how again. :)

1 comment:

Brooke said...

Loved this post! Who was your Kindergarten teacher you mentioned? I wondered if we had the same one? :)