Saturday, March 9, 2013

wise

i am going to a gathering of women next weekend. we were counselors for a girls youth program many, many moons ago. they are women of God and are who i want to be. i am so excited to be with them!

one thing we are doing is bringing a note with a favorite quote or scripture that reminds us to have faith in Jesus Christ. i have been thinking of a few options, but one that is on my mind a lot is from the Doctrine and Covenants. this is a book of the revelations Joseph Smith received as he restored the Gospel of Jesus Christ. just now did i realize that this revelation was give to Joseph here in Salem, Massachusetts! that must be another reason i love this verse. 

Doctrine and Covenants 111:11
 Therefore, be ye as awise as serpents and yet without bsin; and I will order all things for your cgood, as fast as ye are able to receive them. Amen.

i have loved that fact that the Lord is just anxiously waiting to literally dump me in blessings - and that He is already dumping them upon me - i just need a place in my life and my heart to receive them. as i reflect on the past few years, i am so grateful to be in Boston, on my own. there are so many things i have been able to process, habits i have created, and relationships i have formed that i know have made me able to receive more. 


the part of this verse about being "as wise as serpents" has troubled me. Satan is the serpent. why is the Lord wanting me to be like Satan?? last week i looked up the phrase on google. and found a beautiful explanation:

Jesus said that we should be wise as serpents, but how are serpents wise?
Genesis 3:1 says that the serpent was more "crafty" (ARUM) than any of the beasts of the field, and the same word is used a number of times in Proverbs, often translated as "prudent." A crafty man conceals what he knows (12:23). The crafty man acts knowingly, not impulsively (13:16). The crafty man is not gullible but considers his steps (14:15). Crafty men see evil coming and step aside to avoid it (22:3; 27:12). A related word is used in 15:5, where the prudent accept correction. These are some ways to imitate the "craftiness" of serpents as we minister as sheep in a world of wolves (Matthew 10:16).


the words i would add are aware, conscious, and deliberate. i feel that i am learning to be more aware of my weaknesses and my strengths. how else will i be able to know where there are chinks in my armor? how else will  i know how i can serve effectively. it makes me excited that the more conscious and deliberate and aware i am of myself and the world, the faster the blessings of heaven will pour upon me. how incredible is that?? (*this makes me think about the balance of being selfish and selfless. from my personal experiences, i don't know that we teach enough that it is okay - and even necessary - to be selfish and care and protect our time and energy. and give freely to others. love and embrace others free of judgement all while protecting self. )


look at this serpent just being STILL. deliberately choosing a location to be, deliberately choosing a time, deliberately choosing what prey to take to nourish it's family. in the fight against Satan, i want to be a very, very wise serpent!!


Wednesday, March 6, 2013

quiet


i re-realized one of the blessings of being single (because, yes there are a few! :) ), that with the quiet moments of living alone, i am able to hear my thoughts more. when i turn off the tv and music, it's just me and my thoughts. which at times means i over analyze. but at other times, i get to have sweet and tender ah-ha moments. 

i have gone to two therapy sessions these past few weeks. i decided to go because i wanted to be more aware of me and my actions and the reasons for my actions. this time, for this round of therapy sessions in my life (i think this is my 3rd or 4th therapist i have gone to in the past number of years) , i feel like these two sessions have either been all that i can handle, or that i received what i needed for now. or at least i received what i need for this moment. with all my quiet thoughts, i have decided to attend the temple more regularly. at this time in my life, for whatever reason, i feel like the temple is the additional help i need to be aware of who i am and what to change to be more of who i want to be. 

you know those books that you return to over and over - like an old friend? i love sister holland's, A Quiet Heart. i was reading it again on saturday. peace and calm came. confidence that had been shaken was returned. in trying to be wiser in my actions and relationships, i started doubting everything i was. reading sister holland's words along with a number of the scriptures she refers to, i remembered again the beautiful word choice of "succor" - that He truly runs to our aid. i am humbled and amazed. i was comforted that the only needful thing is to love the Lord with all my heart. 

one thing i have felt guilty about is that i am so loving being home. i am loving lonely moments. i am choosing to be with people while recognizing the boundaries i need. and being okay that being home is just fine (and i have been trying to exercise and run  - so home when done at about 7:30/8:00 pm). being home is okay. 

speaking of home. here are a few of the spring decorations that make my little apartment my home:


still need to make a "spring" sign for the large frame . .  


for a bit, i was thinking of moving apartments hoping to find a place with less street noise and central air conditioning. but decided that instead of spending the money moving and a new place, i would just buy a few things to make my home more home. like my first ever vacuum! wow. for a girl who despises cleaning floors, this just might convert me!

and to see my updated home away from home, here is my office with the new fabric covered bulletin boards. i worry that it's a little too busy. but i kind of do love it. :)




ps the other aspect of my quiet moments is the acknowledgment of just how much i love my primary class and primary kids. i feel so so blessed to be with my 7 nine-year-olds. i won't be able to be with them for 2 Sundays this month and it makes me so sooo sad!!