Saturday, April 20, 2013

safe

I have had a lot of thoughts about safety this week. Boston has become the home of my heart. I have learned and become so much here. This is where I have begun my family of one. I have my own home that is my safe place. I have worked to make my home a safe place for others as well. 

And then I think about my feelings as I drove home yesterday when they lifted the lock-down. I wasn't feeling safe. I was apprehensive. I was anxious. 



And I think about the young man. 19 years old. We encourage the young men of the Mormon faith to be on missions at this same age. We encourage them to go throughout the world, to live on their own, and teach the world of the Savior's love and sacrifice. We invite them to teach themselves and the world of the peace and safety the Lord provides. 

But a 19 year old man in Boston didn't have safety. He didn't have a safe place to grow and become. I hurt thinking about the fear he must have felt as he hid in that boat in pain. I cringe wondering what his thoughts were and the hell he must have been in. I have been wondering what his relationship was with his parents if they are in Russia and who he had to rely on. It makes my heart ache to think that at 19 he didn’t have a safe place to turn to. Thank heaven we believe in a God who knows all and understands all. 


None of this takes away the anguish and sorrow I feel for those in the marathon or the officers killed. I weep and hurt for the dreams that were broken and completely crushed this week. I ache for pain and frustration in creating new lives and new dreams. I cringe for the loss of innocence that those running, those cheering, and those of us in Boston have experienced. 

I think about God in heaven weeping as well. As it rained this morning in Boston, I was instantly grateful that the officers and agents weren't standing in it; that they were home and safe and dry. As it rained, I thought of these tears from Heaven. Because I believe that God is a Father first and foremost. That like all good fathers, He cries when His children cry. That like all good fathers, He wants to fix all the pain. And like all good fathers, holds back when necessary for His children to have their growth and own experiences. 



I love the knowledge that God is merciful and understanding. He is aching for this young 19 year man. I desperately hope to be a safe place to more people. I hope that I can help broken hearts heal. I hope that I don't forget this week. I hope that I don't forget the pain and sorrow that each person carries. I hope to be more patient and more generous. 

I hope to be Boston strong.